Online Dating Ghostwriter....

You might not realize this, however, Tipsy Mommy got recruited to be an online dating ghost writer.  Here was my response to them:

First of all, let me congratulate you on developing a BRILLIANT business plan.  This concept is nothing short of genius.  However, it makes me appreciate the fact that I'm happily married and (hopefully) won't be venturing into the online dating scene for myself anytime soon.  

Here are all the reasons I agree this is the perfect job for me.

First of all, I'm hysterical.  If you don't believe me, you should probably read my blog.  It's called Tipsy Mommy.  Wait, you already knew that.  Sorry, I'm not good at details. 

Secondly, I understand the difference between there, their and they're.  This is a RARITY these days. 

Third(ly?), I'm a girl.  I sort of understand what girls want to hear.  I'm probably breaking 900 levels of girl code by agreeing to write profiles and messages for dudes they're likely going to sleep with, however, I feel like I can come to terms with that guilt with a couple extra glasses of vino each night. 

Fourth(ly?)  Seriously, the "ly" thing is tricky...do you have training on that?  I'm fast.  I write almost every single day and the words fly out quickly.  

5) (numbers are WAY easier...I have no shame taking the path of least resistance.  #efficient) I like to have some inspiration to speed up the writing process so I think the fact that this content will be directed to a specific goal/subject/etc will be a perfect fit for me. 

6) Generally speaking, my humor can be crude, however, I have a few clean jokes in my arsenal as well.  My husband is "kind of a big deal" in the business community so I often have to act like a normal person at his work events.  I should be a pretty versatile "girl pretending to be a guy" for you. 

It will be an interesting challenge to write as a "guy".....I'll have to give that one some thought.  Do all the bio's cover the size of my package and the number of girls I've slept with?  I feel like these would be pre-qualifiers in the dating scene.  Please let me know. 

I'm flattered for the opportunity.  I'll have my people (me) get back to you by the end of next week.

Thanks,
Tipsy Mommy

Back to School Blues...

I talk a big game about hating my kids and pawning them off on a babysitter 90% of their lives, however, that's not really true (at least not anymore).   Sleeping (or, in our case, NOT sleeping), eating, and pooping dictated our life for SIX YEARS!  In May, I started mentally dreading summer because it's always a shit show.

But our summer was amazing.  The baby is 3 but we still call him "the baby" and he's just independent as his older sisters.  My middle child has found her groove in the family by being the helper who was in charge of packing the essentials for our summer adventures every day.  My oldest can finally swim and sleeps like a teenager.   We played and we napped and we traveled and we SLEPT IN.  We savored the fact that we didn't have to pack lunches and backpacks.  We didn't have to brush our hair or even get out of our pajamas if we didn't want to.  Life is so damn good.

And, just like that, summer is over.  The kids went back to school this week and I know I should be jumping for joy.  I wished away so much time over the past six years waiting for this very day.   When it finally arrived, I didn't feel like jumping for joy.   All I wanted to do was rewind.  I wanted to start summer over.  I wanted to re do all the laughs, the cuddles, and the lazy warm summer days with these three little munchkins.

I put on a brave happy face for my 1st grader when I dropped her off in the wrong car line and she had to bob and weave in between moving cars to reach the curb of her new building at school.  But not so deep down, I was sad.  I was a little sad that I hadn't read the 4 page booklet with car line instructions but I was mostly sad because I wasn't sure that little girl realized how much it meant to me to share the summer with her.  I watched her run to the curb, turn around to give me a "thumbs up" and then race into new building, her new classroom and her exciting new year.  She was so excited and happy to start a new chapter in her life because she enjoyed and cherished every minute of the wonderful summer we shared.  She doesn't have regrets because she's always living in that very moment.  And it made me realize that we truly have so much to learn from our kids. May we all learn to embrace new experiences, live in the moment, and be fearless about what life might throw at us.

Cheers to a wonderful school year!!

Sweet Sam Sam...

If you've met me, you know I often joke about time standing still when you have little ones.  People with older kids always tell me "enjoy it, it goes by so fast".  I quickly respond "you're full of shit, this has been the longest seven years of my LIFE. I haven't had a full nights sleep since 2010!!"

But, this summer has made me start believing them....

Three kids in three and a half years felt like a lot.  It felt like someone always needed me.  Someone was always yelling "MMMMOOOOMMMMMYYYYY!"  Someone was always hungry, tired or crying.  The record for silence in my household was about 90 seconds back in 2014.  

But this summer has been different.  My kids have been HAPPY.  They get along.  They SLEEP (at least some of the nights).  They can all talk and none of them shit in their pants anymore.  They can actually get their own snacks and fill up their own sippy cup.  THANK YOU JESUS!

My middle child turns 5 this week and it's got me all bent out of shape.  Maybe it's because she's my twin in every aspect of life which, by default, makes her my biggest challenge.  There is something so sobering about seeing ourselves through the actions and emotions of our children.  It's a reminder about how important this role is that we play as parents.  How we need to be so careful and intentional and thoughtful if we want them to carry forward our wonderful attributes and leave the negative ones behind.  

My sweet little Sam Sam.  You are the ultimate straight shooter.  You wear your emotions on your sleeve.  Your anger may be big, but your love and happiness are bigger.  Your loyalty is fierce and you will do anything to stand up for people you love.  You're so smart yet so hesitant to reveal it.  You will never answer a question without being certain that it's the right answer.  You are so studious.  As if you think all the answers in life can be learned in a book.  You are so much like me.  From your mischievous ways to your freckle sprinkled nose.  Sometimes I think I catch a glimpse of insecurities in your eyes.  Whether it's meeting new friends or being a new situation.  I reassure you that you're a big girl and that you can handle anything you put your mind to. And the mere suggestion of that power is enough to make you believe it.  I pray that you never lose that belief in yourself.  I pray that you never forget that your incredible smile and your thoughtfulness has the power to change the world.  I pray that you will always recognize the incredible gifts you've been given and use them to make the world a better place.  Don't let anyone stifle your light, Sweet Sam Sam.  

The Power of My Pen...

By almost all accounts, most people would say I'm not a REAL writer.  My grammar is awful and my posts rarely go through spell check.  My consistency is even worse.  But, the reality is, my pen has power.  It has the power to make people laugh.  To make people cry.  And, perhaps most importantly, it has the power to make people think.  To ponder.  To wonder if, by some crazy chance, I might have something to offer this crazy world.

When inspiration comes to me, I physically can't resist the urge to write.  It's therapeutic and nerve wrecking (or is it racking?) all at once.  

People ask me why I haven't been blogging lately.  And, to be honest, I write almost every single day, I just don't post anything.

I've been so weighted down with the fear that people are judging me or don't like me.  I mean, we all know they are, but the weight of worrying about it is new for me.  Somewhere between Minnesota and Ohio, I started worrying about what other people think about me.  Maybe it's because I don't have a job anymore or maybe it's because I still feel like a new girl.  I started planning my whole life around doing things that people thought I should be doing.  I shouldn't be on Facebook making inappropriate comments because not everyone thinks they're funny.  I shouldn't blog because I'm not a real writer.  Blah blah blah.

Anyway, I had three people ask me about my blog this week.  And it made me realize that not everyone wants to hear from me, but some people do.   So I decided it's high time to start sharing my thoughts with the world again.  To those of you who just rolled your eyes, thanks for making me relevant.  To those of you who keep waiting for a post, you'll get a few of them today!

Cheers to the weekend!!!

Tipsy Mommy