The 7 Kinds of Stay At Home Moms

I've done extensive research and I've decided there are 7 types of stay at home moms.  Here's a summary.

1)  The Baby Talk Mom (BTM)
*Literally three inches from infants face*  "Hi boo boo! Ooooh!  What does mommy smell?  Did you make a stinky?  YES YOU DID! You made a stinky!!  Silly boy!   Mommy still loves you boo boo!  Yes, I do!   I love you boo boo!"  *grabs monogrammed changing pad from Pottery Barn diaper bag*

Dear BTM- You sound like a fucking lunatic and I give you 13 more days until you start talking baby talk in the sack with your husband. Love, Tipsy Mommy


2) The Zen Mom
I literally heard a mom trying to discipline her 4 year old with deep breathing.

"Honey, please listen to your body.  Take a deep breath.  Now blow out all those bad choices!  That's right…blow them out!  Bye bye bad choices!!  Good job sweetie!!"

Guaranteed that kid will be in timeout on an organic bean bag within 7 minutes.   Blow me, Zen mom.

3) The make up face, size 2, "real" clothes wearing mom
Obviously you didn't get the memo that yoga attire is our WORK UNIFORM.  You wanna wear real clothes?  Then get a real job, in a an office, and flaunt your tight ass there.

4) The shellac mani mom

Go fuck yourself.  How do you have time to do that shit every week?

5)  The Babysitter Poacher
Punishable by death in the stay at home mom world.  I would literally rather have you steal my husband than my babysitter, for reals.

6) The Anti-Hellicopter Mom (aka AHM or Oblivious Mom)
I agree, "helicopter" parenting is probably a bad choice, however, anti-hellicopter moms are flirting with oblivious parenting.  I once saw an AHM's kid push their stroller into the deep end of the pool while she was practicing detachment parenting at the pool bar with a martini.  Good luck making it to 18, kid.

7)  Drinking Mom
Now this is the kind of mom I can get behind.  They have the unwritten "I won't judge if you don't judge" rule and that rule is AWESOME.

Not every mom you meet will be your type, but variety is the spice of life.  I just look for the drinking moms and everything else seems to fall into place.  Just sayin'….

Cheers!

Tipsy Mommy