Every group of friends has "that mom". Just like every group in college had the "slutty friend". And the same rule applies…if you don't think you have one, it's YOU.
Please answer the questions below to figure out if you're "that mom".
1. How many times a week do you cook dinner?
A) 6 times per week. We have family date night on Friday's.
B) 3 times per week
C) Weekends only
D) What exactly do you mean when you say "cook"?
2. How many hours per day do you let your kids watch TV?
A) Less than 2 hours
B) 2-3 hours
C) 5 hours
D) Um….let me calculate how many hours they are awake each day….
3. When was your husbands last blow job?
A) This week
B) Less than a month ago
C) Within the last 6 months
D) Blow job? We're married.
4. How many times a week do you wear something OTHER THAN yoga clothes?
A) Every Day
B) 3 times per week
C) Weekends Only
D) I don't understand this question…what else would I wear?
5. How many times a week do you wear yoga clothes and actually do yoga (or some other form of exercise)?
A) Every Day
B) 3 times per week
C) Weekends Only
D) The last time I hit the gym was the last day I gave my husband a BJ. Didn't I tell you I'm married?
If you answered mostly "A", you are, without a doubt, "that" mom.
Listen. Women need to start supporting each other. I think we can all agree that BJ's are pointless once you're married. They're like watching football. It's something you do when you're dating to convince the guy that you're not a "typical" chick so they ask you out again. Make up, cooking and exercise are EASY opportunities for us to level the playing field. When our spouses see other women making more of an effort (in any aspect of our lives), it puts the slackers in a poor light. The next time you have the urge to do that two hour hot yoga class, take a minute to think about how that might make that mom who is plucking her chin hairs in car line feel.
Listen. Women need to start supporting each other. I think we can all agree that BJ's are pointless once you're married. They're like watching football. It's something you do when you're dating to convince the guy that you're not a "typical" chick so they ask you out again. Make up, cooking and exercise are EASY opportunities for us to level the playing field. When our spouses see other women making more of an effort (in any aspect of our lives), it puts the slackers in a poor light. The next time you have the urge to do that two hour hot yoga class, take a minute to think about how that might make that mom who is plucking her chin hairs in car line feel.
If you answered B or C to all/most of the questions you're a "borderline mom". You make a bit of an effort in most areas of your life, but not enough of an effort to alienate potential mom friends. Keep up the good work and remember, when in doubt, choose to DO LESS! Love you!
If you answered "D" to most of the questions you are, without a doubt, a "ROCKSTAR MOM FRIEND". You have kids, which pre-qualifies you for play dates with other moms. Once they've peeked into your low standard, low effort world, they will be hooked. Your gift to the mom universe is making everyone else feel a little bit better about themselves because they aren't quite as lazy as you are. Way to make a difference girl!! CHEERS and get ready for your phone to start blowing up with texts from your new besties!!!
If you answered "D" to most of the questions you are, without a doubt, a "ROCKSTAR MOM FRIEND". You have kids, which pre-qualifies you for play dates with other moms. Once they've peeked into your low standard, low effort world, they will be hooked. Your gift to the mom universe is making everyone else feel a little bit better about themselves because they aren't quite as lazy as you are. Way to make a difference girl!! CHEERS and get ready for your phone to start blowing up with texts from your new besties!!!
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