I took an inventory of the shit in my house and found a theme. It all revolves around things I can't seem to throw away. Here are the top 10 things I need to stop "saving" if I ever want a clean house.
1. "Non-Toy" Toys
For reasons I can't quite figure out, "non-toy" toys are most commonly repurposed as bath toys in my house. These are things like empty shampoo bottles, sippy cups with missing parts, plastic water bottles with missing straws (seriously, those straws are harder to keep track of than sock 2 of 2), old measuring cups, and every single happy meal toy we've ever gotten. (Yes, I let my kids eat McD's on occasion. Stop judging). Oh, and we have a shit load of "real" bath toys too. It's official. I'm going to be buried alive in repurposed BPA free plastic.
2. "Art"
I use this term loosely because I have toddlers. I find myself saying "oh, look, his first scribble! I have to save it!" or "Oh! Look, she 'wrote' her name!" I can't identify a single letter on the page, yet I feel compelled to save it. There is some weird mom guilt attached to stuff that our kids have created but this crap needs to stop!
3. Magazines
Look. I know US Weekly only comes weekly and you think you're going to read it some night after the kids go to bed. But it's NOT GONNA HAPPEN. And you're not going to remember to grab all 16 back issues and read them the next time you go on an adult only tropical vacation (which, to be honest, probably isn't happening either).
4. Books
See #3 for reference. And these things are even bigger. No. F'ing. Way.
5. Instruction booklets
When is the last time you said "Oooh….I'm trying to figure out how to turn on my microwave. Let me go fetch my tub 'o manuals and figure out how to do that". Pitch them immediately. In the unlikely event that you actually need them, they can most certainly be located on the world wide web.
6. Luggage
I know, this seems strange but I can't be alone on this one. I have six suitcases and countless duffel bags. When is the last time you went on a trip that required six suitcases? Never? Yeah, me neither. Bye bye bags!
7. Shoes and Handbags
What?! Are you fucking crazy? You can NEVER have too many of these things and there's no way in hell I will EVER throw any of them away. Period.
8. Flatware/Cutlery
I actually wrote "organize flatware" as a goal for 2016. This is the kind of shit you write down when you are a stay at home mom. It's awful. At any rate, we got beautiful new flatware for our wedding but I "saved" the flatware that John and I had before we were married. You know, on the off chance that I'm hosting 106 people for dinner sometime. Don't walk, RUN to goodwill with this crap you f'ing hoarder!!
9. Orphan socks
Everyone has that basket of socks with no mates. When we moved to cincy I should have been smart enough to just throw the orphan socks away but I actually put them in a box and freeking moved them. I'm a failure as a wife and mother.
10. Broken crayons and dried out markers
I don't even want to take responsibility for this one. We have smart phones and cars that self park but no one has bothered to make a cap free marker or an unbreakable crayon? I'm calling BS on that one.
Go forth and declutter! And try to remember that LESS is MORE….except when it comes to shoes, handbags and wine, of course.
XOXO Tipsy Mommy
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