1. Swearing/yelling at subordinates
Swearing is encouraged in the stay at home mom ranks. Every day I tell myself I'm not going to lose my patience but I'm cussing like a sailor through gritted teeth by 9 am. And it's ALWAYS related to getting kids in the van so we can get to school on time. It starts with me patiently asking them to get in the van. After 6 minutes, I'm white knuckled and yelling through gritted teeth "GET IN THE F$#*ING VAN!"
2. Inappropriate Contact with Subordinates
Truthfully, I'm not a spanker. Most of them time I'm disciplining my kids because they hit/bite/push their sibling(s) and it just doesn't seem right to respond to that with spanking. I envision that process playing out like this…. "Get over here you little f*$%er! *spanking* We do NOT hit in this house!". It just doesn't seem effective to me.
However, I do resort to the use of force when the baby pulls that "arched back to avoid the car seat" move. That sh*t sends me into orbit! You're TWO! I'm NOT two! I'm gonna kick your a#% in the arched back battle!!
3. Promptness
I'm proud to say that I'm habitually on time. I will pull out of the driveway with my kids still rolling around the back seat in order to get somewhere on time. It's a huge #petpeeve of mine when my "peers" are late. I know that kids take extra time. But, guess what, I'm pretty sure you knew you had kids when you woke up this morning. Maybe you should go ahead and allow extra time to get them "situated" so you can show up somewhere on time. #beinglateisplanned
Truthfully, I'm not a spanker. Most of them time I'm disciplining my kids because they hit/bite/push their sibling(s) and it just doesn't seem right to respond to that with spanking. I envision that process playing out like this…. "Get over here you little f*$%er! *spanking* We do NOT hit in this house!". It just doesn't seem effective to me.
However, I do resort to the use of force when the baby pulls that "arched back to avoid the car seat" move. That sh*t sends me into orbit! You're TWO! I'm NOT two! I'm gonna kick your a#% in the arched back battle!!
3. Promptness
I'm proud to say that I'm habitually on time. I will pull out of the driveway with my kids still rolling around the back seat in order to get somewhere on time. It's a huge #petpeeve of mine when my "peers" are late. I know that kids take extra time. But, guess what, I'm pretty sure you knew you had kids when you woke up this morning. Maybe you should go ahead and allow extra time to get them "situated" so you can show up somewhere on time. #beinglateisplanned
4. Sleeping with your subordinates.
Think about it. You know I'm right on this one. Btw, I'm NOT talking about your kids here. I'm talking about your spouse/partner/co-parent because we all know that stay at home moms are the real deal boss of every household. #Momboss
5. Dress Code
There are two employers that allows yoga gear every day of the year. A yoga studio and your house.
6. Drinking
The late afternoon playdate is the equivalent of a "think tank" at work. Where you share ides (i.e bitch about your husbands) and talk about activities for the week. You vent about the trials of potty training, mean girls in preschool (YES, it starts that early), and (sort of) punch out for an hour while your toddlers self police. The only difference here is the alcohol….but, you know I'm not going to hold THAT against anyone.
There are two employers that allows yoga gear every day of the year. A yoga studio and your house.
6. Drinking
The late afternoon playdate is the equivalent of a "think tank" at work. Where you share ides (i.e bitch about your husbands) and talk about activities for the week. You vent about the trials of potty training, mean girls in preschool (YES, it starts that early), and (sort of) punch out for an hour while your toddlers self police. The only difference here is the alcohol….but, you know I'm not going to hold THAT against anyone.
So, maybe there's a few "perks" to the SAHM mom gig that don't fly in the corporate world but no one views this thing as a cake walk. There are also all nighters with sick kids, daily discussions about bodily fluids, cleaning, cooking, laundry, homework, and activity shuttling that make this a 24/7 commitment. SAHM's rarely get to think about themselves because their brains are full with what they're doing for everyone else in the house. But that cheesy statement about it being the most rewarding unpaid job you'll ever do is so true. So somewhere in between the diaper changes, impromptu dance parties, kissed boo boo's, unexpected belly laughs, and predictable temper tantrums, remember how important your "job" is and that no one else in this world can do it as well as you. Oh, and celebrate yourself with some vino after bedtime.
xoxo Tipsy Mommy
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